|What is the color of my hair:||I have luxuriant blond hair|
|What is my Zodiac sign:||Scorpio|
|My figure features:||I'm quite plump|
|I like to drink:||Stout|
|My favourite music:||Easy listening|
|Other hobbies:||Surfing the net|
I am helping a very pregnant Cleopatra give birth.
First, she needs to be fanned. After leading her to a palace bathhouse where I light candles, play music, put aromatic herbs in the water, and rub her belly some more, I catch her newborn infant. The child is clean and Cleopatra is blissfully free of pain. There are no viscera.
There is no feces. Cleo begins nursing immediately as I watch, proud of my work as a doula, but also confused. The birth is nothing like the ones I witnessed when my kids were born. Taken as a whole, they mean something.
How to play pregnant princesses dressup
What do they mean? But I do remember that it involved dressing a pregnant Elsa from Frozen in a variety of outfits that accentuated her late-term midriff. Why did I do this? I liked it when my wife was pregnant.
I was bored. I have a subconscious desire to support the animated Norwegian monarchy. These things are all probably true, but truer still is this: I have a tendency to fall down internet rabbit holes.
Disney pregnant games
And the pregnancy game rabbit hole is deep. I discovered the game was part of a vast ecosystem of flash-based games found on gendered and vaguely porn-y sounding websites with names like GirlsPlay. All the games involved a popular female character — Cinderella, the Little Mermaid, the Miraculous Ladybug — carrying and giving birth to a happy, healthy baby.
The games were sweet.
Creepy and sweet. Almost none can be played with an active ad-blocker. Nobody wants to see Ariel from the Little Mermaid screaming in agony before pushing a viscera-covered baby fish monster out of the gon near her anal fin.
Princess pregnant games
The exact steps are subject to change, but the games all take the same basic shape, requiring players to provide some form of medical assistance to a cartoon mom going through labor. Players might provide her with pills or oxygen, take a sonogram, or give her an injection. Players might also massage the mom, apply lotion to her belly, or take her blood pressure. Whatever the process, the outcome is the same: the birth of a baby whose genitals are tastefully obscured.
You know, like real life. They are saccharine and sanitized. They suggest that after the love story, the inevitable outcome is pregnancy. It just happens. Ask your fleshy parents.
There are exceptions, obviously. They then have to sew everything back up before being told they have saved the princess and her baby.
There is a brief moment of blood on the first incision, and to be fair, there are some kids who would likely enjoy understanding the cesarean process, such as it is. Obviously, the lack of realism is probably for the better. And, if they do, there are surely other websites to cater to those needs — none of them kid-friendly.
Pregnancy games for girls: inside the weird world of pregnant disney princesses
The small parts are innocuous. In many of these games, the characters who are pregnant are Disney princesses, or at the very least Disney princess rip-offs. Is that really so distasteful? As an adult, pregnancy rarely occurs outside the context of sex. A pregnant princess causes an adult mind to conclude that Belle and the Beast got it on. And there is certainly a market for those kinds of thoughts.
Pregnancy video games aimed at young girls are taking over the internet. why?
The internet is full of sites that depict the graphic copulation of Disney characters and their menagerie of not-quite-human sidekicks. They only understand it on a sexless continuum of theoretical procreation. These pregnancy games, for them, are the equivalent to playing house. Women become mommies because they have babies.
Like the money-grabbing YouTube channels that offer endless disturbing iterations of nursery rhymes, the pregnancy game makers see kids as a commodity and have zero vested interest in not showing children weird stuff. Branded games are all over the internet, and kids love playing them. Also, there is no avenue for grievances.
There is a sense that the makers know the games are awful but are also quite aware there are no repercussions for what they are doing. Good luck trying to track them down. The genre consists of internet pirates trying to explain birth to 8-year-old Frozen fans.
And doing a really bad job. One in which birth and motherhood are portrayed as spotlessly pleasant. These games make it seems like everything related to love is pleasant. They ignore that life is mostly rough edges and that none of it is easy. Birth is a gore-fest.
Consider how different these games are to the message of Barbie. Sure the doll is impossibly built, but at least Barbie excels in the workplace. And all of this is likely happening under the radar of mothers and fathers. Because there are important conversations about pregnancy and birth to be had between parent and. For many girls, that conversation is being fulfilled by a cartoon Cleopatra and her dark-skinned servant girls.
And the lesson being learned is frightening.
The fact is that parents better have the conversation with their kids about procreation or a criminal in Taiwan likely will. Please try again. Give us a little more information and we'll give you a lot more relevant content. Your child's birthday or due date.
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Disney princess pregnant bffs
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